Customer Service

Ulises Alaniz

Content Warning: Graphic Descriptions of Violence

If you are a serial killer and have, as a vocation, tortured and dismembered bodies for the simple pleasure of doing it, but are tired of dealing with the details: studying the victim, learning their habits, using force or persuasion to catch, manipulate, and hurt them little by little, while taking delight in seeing how they lose the battle and surrender to your will, ah! And if taking care of the dirty work (blood, stench, spilled guts, hair, body fragments, etc, etc) suddenly grosses you out… if all this leaves you exhausted and despondent and you no longer enjoy the art of killing and torturing… don’t worry, we are the solution. Our agents are here to help you. They meet you in a nice place, and while you enjoy dessert and its corresponding cup of coffee, they inquire about your modus operandi, the type of characteristics that make you fall in love with a victim, what you dislike, the specific moments of the entire process that you enjoy more intensely, etc, etc. Once we’ve completed your profile, we assign you to a field specialist who will do the dirty work while giving you the chance to experience, with the least amount of effort, the greatest possible amount of pleasure that often comes from defiling and crushing the dignity, or rather, the spirit of another human being. We offer reasonable prices, according to your needs and preferences. If you’re not happy with the results, don’t worry. We give you your money back and the first murder is on us. In our company, the customer is the priority.