Tatem Herdina
Executive Poetry Editor
Ro stood at the sage green doorway, staring at the ornate carvings of woodland creatures that roamed up the wooden panels and into the emerald green stained glass windows near their head. They’ve stood at this doorstep thousands of times before. So much that they could picture the other side of the doorway in their head with deep browns and purples that traveled up the walls in swirls of grape vines and green stems.
A bell chimed behind them as a young boy rode past on the sidewalk with his bicycle beneath him. Ro startled forward at the sound and touched their shaking hands to the wood. The knock was gentle, but Ro could hear the soft pad of violet slipped feet come down the swirling staircase on the inside of the house.
Their heart caught in their chest as Colette opened the door with a cheery smile on their already summer-tanned skin. She wore a cream chemise with a periwinkle skirt over her flaring hips that reached halfway down to her shins. Colette’s hair, a beautiful deep brown color—it always reminded Ro of dark chocolate—was still loosely braided over her left shoulder due to the early hour.
“Rosette!” Colette cooed from the doorway, already stepping aside to let her best friend through into her house even at an ungodly hour like six in the morning. “What brings you over so early? Not that I am complaining. I’m glad we get to see one another before my holiday.”
Ro walked inside and remained silent as they stared at Colette who gently closed the door behind them and walked to sit on the third step of the large staircase. She dropped her head to her hands as she propped them up on her knees and stared at Ro with loving and gentle caramel eyes.
“Rosette?” The honey-warm voice asked, brows creasing slightly in worry.
“I-” But Ro couldn’t speak as the words got choked up in her throat and tears began to spring from their eyes anew.
Colette sprung forward and wrapped small arms around Ro’s taller frame, dipping her head into Ro’s neck as she murmured soothing sounds into Ro’s olive- toned skin.
At the same time that Ro opened their mouth to attempt speech, Colette reached up and knocked Ro’s hat to the floor in the act of trying to pet their head. Colette pulled away with a yelp, staring frantically at Ro’s head.
“Rosette, what happened to your hair?!” Colette ran her fingers through Ro’s new and roughly chopped dirty blonde curls.
“They kicked me out.” Ro’s voice came out small and broken. Their eyes cast down, Ro stepped back and out of Colette’s touch, feeling suddenly dirty with themselves. “A lot happened and my parents kicked me out of the house.” They ran a shaking hand through their shorn hair and new tears came to life as they fell from Ro’s eyes.
Colette didn’t ask questions as she guided Ro up the stairs and into her bedroom, locking the door behind them as Ro sank onto the bed and fell apart. Somehow, Colette had grabbed Ro’s bags that she had dropped at the doorway and carried them up.
When Ro calmed down, the tears turning into the occasional sniffle, Colette kneeled before them and took their hands into her own. “What’s this all about, Rosette?”
“Can you call me Ro from now on?” Ro asked softly, already tensing for the rejection.
“Ro.”
And oh… oh it hurt.
Ro’s heart swelled, hearing their name come from Colette’s sweet and soft voice. It filled them with a new sense of self. The acceptance that only someone like Colette could give them filled their body, crawling under their skin with warmth.
They didn’t know that they were crying again until Colette reached to wipe away the new tears, a cheerful smile on her lips.
Taking a deep breath, Ro explained everything. How they had realized that they weren’t truly a woman—not like Colette or their mother—and that all of the anxiety they had felt over the years had come from that. Then about how when they told their parents, Ro was dragged to the Church and whipped by the priest and sisters to try and talk them out of “this sinful nonsense.” It had been followed up with isolation for the past week, with barely any meals and only the visit from their mother who said hateful and soul-destroying words to them as she brushed their long curls for hours at a time. The numbness had reached a new level of disembodiment as Ro had taken up their fabric scissors after a particularly draining visit and cut their honey-colored locks from their head, leaving the tangle of baby curls that now wrestled at her temples. When their mother had come in the next day there had been screaming, shattered glass as Ro’s mother threw things at them. Then there was the horror in their father’s eyes when rushed in at the commotion…it broke something in Ro. Their parents had screamed down their neck as Ro scrambled to throw whatever she could into the two bags that now sat on Colette’s floor.
“Oh, Ro. My sweet Ro,” Colette whispered as she took them into her arms again. “You’re safe now. My family…they aren’t like that. They won’t throw you out. Stay here, please.” Her words became more pleading as she gripped tighter, knocking the breath from Ro’s lungs.
Ro ducked their head into Colette’s bare neck, feeling the smoothness of her pale skin and feeling their heart pick up at the intimacy of the two of them.
They pulled away aggressively, yanking themselves from Colette’s grip and walking to the vanity. Ro’s heart hammered in their chest, their cheeks lighting up a vibrant rosy shade. “I’m sorry.” Ro took deep breaths, watching as Colette rose from her knees and walked over to Ro with her red expression.
“You want to know why I know my parents won’t throw you away?” she asked quietly, looking down at Ro’s lips before taking their hand. Colette rubbed her thumb over the back of Ro’s hand and it sent shivers up their arm. When Colette met their eyes again, her own burned with intensity. “Because they didn’t throw me out first.”
Colette leaned in, pausing just before Ro’s lips as she snaked her hand up their arm and to their shoulder.
Ro gasped before leaning forward the small expanse between them and allowing their eyes to close as Colette’s lips parted for Ro’s kiss.
Flowers bloomed in Ro’s chest as Colette gripped her waist, finally making Ro feel like they had a home again.